Reading, running, caffeine withdrawal.

I’m withdrawing from a three year caffeine habit and it’s limiting my ability to read, or do anything intellectual or that involves willpower. From a peak usage of 1500 mg per day last year to presently having only 2 oz of normal coffee each morning. (20 mg about?) I’ve felt a sadness creeping in over these past months that gets stronger the further I wean myself off. I don’t feel enthusiastic and optimistic like I did. I feel tired and somewhat less sharp in my thinking. How long this malaise will take to go away, or if it ever will, I don’t know. Months? A year? I know they say two weeks but that hasn’t been my experience so far. Maybe it was because I was taking such large daily dosages, or maybe beverage industries are making it seem more harmless than it is so they can sell more to consumers.

Furthermore I’ve resumed long distance running and feel like I’m now overeating because of it. It’s always been easier for me to manage my weight when I don’t exercise. There’s a a lot of stress adaptation the body does in response to distance running (increased mitochondria, capillaries, bone density, etc). All of this requires food. I don’t want to cut weight and run at the same time because I fear injury.

What are the solutions? First, I must remember there will be a point in the future where I will be completely adapted to my running schedule and also out of withdrawal. Second I must believe in myself. The depression is an illusion caused by withdrawal. Things will get better, the happiest most profitable days of my life are ahead. I will start my own business making fashion accessories and my runner’s body will help with that and it all goes together. There are creative, fun days ahead. I have a wonderful cat and girlfriend who love me. I will get better at reading, surely. if I keep reading I will get better and better at it. I will get into the top 1% of readers, maybe even a lower percent. I am looking forward to reading many classics like those of prose stylist Joseph Conrad. There are great days ahead.

I have to stay out of the house after running. That’s when I overeat. I have to measure my calories and use math and take my meals with me in pint sized corningware containers and have a gallon of water in my car. After I run, I’ll eat a modest meal. Maybe I’ll buy a laptop and bring a notebook and use public wifi to research fashion and brainstorm ideas. Maybe I can bring a book and sit in one of the wooden towers in the park, and leave everything electronic behind. Maybe I can combine them. When I come home, I’ll have another corningware meal. Then go right to bed and not go back in the kitchen. Yes. this is how I’ll do it. I’ll maintain weight now then once I adapt I’ll do a cut to racing weight. After the cut, I’ll up my mileage and maintain from there on out measuring and recording everything.

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